Jul 142010

June 23, 2010
Coaching lessons from my children

Today is exactly ten days since I returned from the Foundations/TAPOC Conference #2 in Singapore. During the Conference #2 weekend, as a dad, I was amazed at how much I was missing my wife and children. The part that intrigues me is that I travel a lot as my job takes me away from home much of the time, and normally it takes me four to five days before I start missing my family. However, now, it takes about four or five hours only to trigger emotions (of being with them) and what my kids have already taught me – being in the present, loving unconditionally and best of all they are my flexibility ‘wibble-wabble gurus’.

I remember clearly how my daughter, Sanjnah (she is turning four in July 2010) used to invite me to dance and I used to resist her invitation. Now, I am an ever willing partner in flexibility. My son, Keshava, who turned two in January 2010, is all play. He has taught me how learning can be playful, and how play can be learning. I relate these experiences in the context of the Newfield journey.

“There are infinite lessons that I am learning from my kids every day. There is no right time or place for showing love, care and just having fun. All the lessons I learn from my children just spring to mind when I am off-center. As Julio says, “It only gets better”.

I remember watching Sanjnah and Keshava just running around in circles in the garden chasing each other. In the past, I used just sit watch them in awe and wonder. But now I join in the excitement of just playing, dancing, hopping, skipping and running with them without any purpose or meaning. Just to play for the sake of playing! My children coach me on being present and being flexible. I am a child again!

At night, just before going to bed, Sanjnah now requests that she lays on my laps and that I sing or read to her. I am enjoying every moment of granting her request. I experience joy and a rewarding feeling daily. I tell my wife, how grateful I am as both my children enrich me.

In the past I used to judge my performance as a dad against “being the perfect dad” and that I will never match up to becoming one. Then it hit me, that my assessments of perfection were rooted in my emotions and moods when I was a little boy, having a difficult childhood with my dad.

For me, on a daily basis, I observe my kids play as a valuable lesson and unforgettable “coaching moment with my children”. When I see the Observer that I am now, freedom is just within my reach. Choices are there for me to choose from. My kids, like all children, are 100% in the present, in the NOW, constantly exploding in their experiences. I celebrated father’s day this time around just being in reflection on how the bond between my father and I have created a gift of me as a father. This is the gift that I now bring with me in my coaching work.

I say from experience that my children are my coaches. They create my results. I find meaning in this coaching journey that I am going through now. My children bring tremendous learning for me as I carry that experience to my work environment. My kids are a mirror of me and a reflection of how I am learning and growing in their space.

For me as a trainee coach, the gift of fatherhood means a seamless supply of stories, abundance of excitement, awe and wonder that I can bring into coaching. Children are able to find wonder in the simplest of things — an earthworm in the garden, an unusual bug on the sidewalk, an airplane in the sky and throwing pebbles into a puddle. As I reflect on the many ways of how fathers and kids learn from each other and grow in each others space, I leave you with a question to ponder: How have your children enriched your coaching? …. I am off to play with my children 🙂

Dec 082009


Just this morning I was talking to a close, loving friend of mine who share the same passion (for the environment).  He had sent me something that made me have a hard look at myself and my goals.  He prefers to remain annonymous, but you can read about him.  Upon reading his email, I was compelled to share it with you.

Here goes …

People who do not set goals in their own lives, are like ships sailing without any maps and compasses. They will be drifting aimlessly, from day to day, hoping to somehow arrive at the nebulous port called “somewhere.” Their voyages though their lives will be left to pure chances.

Without setting any goals, their lives will be uninteresting and devoid of any challenges or opportunities. By setting goals, the drive for decisive constructive and effective actions are stimulated and nurtured. Further, goals function as maps and compasses, in guiding us in our own journeys towards the distant ports in our lives. Goals also assist people in knowing as to where they are headed, besides guiding them on how they can reach their destinations.

Setting goals are more than only dreams; they are instead dreams to be acted upon. They are also much more than  mere “Oh, how I wish I could.” Setting goals are declaration (clear statements) of “This is what I am exactly going to do.” And likewise, setting goals are not deliberating on fanciful doubts, but rather they are declarations of faiths, beliefs, action, iron will and end results.

10 Reasons for Setting Goals:

1.  Goals  furnish your lives with purposes, help you to know specifically where you are headed, and  provide clear targets for your lives.

2.  Goals help your developing  plans and actions for reaching your chosen targets.

3.  Goals are exciting since they keep you actively engaged, which will surely deliver success and happiness.

4.  Goals keep you young and interested in life, since they would be filled with tangible hopes and expectations.

5.  Goal setting and goal adhering strategically would, besides benefitting yourself, also encourage the others to follow likewise.

6.  Goals enable you to monitor where you are on your map of life, at any point in time, if you have carefully planned your own journey of life.

7.  Goals, if meaningfully set, would allow you to follow the paths of the great leaders who have gone before you.

8.  Goals are essential for accomplishing milestones in your professional and personal lives.

9.  Goals allow you to be fully involved in the decisions to be pursued for the present and the  future.

10. Goals provide you with avenues for implementing initiatives decently and orderly, thus eliminating “hit-and-miss” approaches to your lives.

Dec 012009

What do you want to create?Count down to 2010 has begun, in less than 30 days, we will have another new year facing us.  Many would be busy looking at how this year 2009 went by so fast.  What can I plan for next year, 2010.  Another brand new year for us to create.

I was just chatting with a close friend of mine in Papua New Guinea, and dabbling on the topic of both personal and professional goals.

… “What did you do differently this year?”

… “What did you set out to do, and did not achieve this year?”

… “Think about why you failed to achieve your goals and what led you to it?”

… “Did you commit yourself 100% with intensity?”

Just looking back and reflecting on these and answering these questions yourself, would be quite illuminating and awakening.

Time is flying…another year has went by and ask yourself, am I closer to achieving my goals?  What steps have I taken?  Why did I choose this way of doing, thinking, saying?

Much of the time, we tend to keep running…in the rat race due to some Automatic reaction, but at the same time we loose track of the bigger picture.  We pay attention to the little things in life, such as, “The tea-lady made my coffee too sweet”, “The boss should pay more attention to us”, “The government is like this, or like that”.  Have we ever said, “Let me be grateful to the tea-lady and acknowledge her today”, or “Maybe I should ask my boss how was his day or his family”.  You get the picture 😉

Well, we find it easier to postpone and tend to continue to procrastinate ….ah! what is the hurry….  It is easier to postpone behaving  in a new way than to make an effort to achieve our goal, right?  Of course, the mind will say, “Don’t do it, you’ll look silly’

Well, what can I say… think about this point.

What would you like to create for 2010?  What are you wishing for?  Just visualize it, and intensely commit to achieving it.

Just think about it.

Let me leave you with these thoughts:

  • In a sincere manner, think about what you want to achieve or create for 2010
  • Just select one or two that is most important
  • List out what actions steps you can do to have what you want
  • Put a realistic time line to each goal
  • Now start, one step at a time, and mentally visualize you already having it
  • You believe in yourself, and the world will believe in you 🙂  I promise